btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
