yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
