so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
