everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
