There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
