it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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