Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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