So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
