I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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