No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
