My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize