That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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