last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
