So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
