If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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