I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
