I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
