Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
