I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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