I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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