He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
