He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
