If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
