I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
