the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
