Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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