Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
