Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
