Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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