I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
