Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
PANTIES FOUND
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
