My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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