her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize