Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
