Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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