That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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