cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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