porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
