i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize