I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
