Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
