don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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