im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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