Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You made out with two different species that night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
