just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
