so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
