time to smoke my breakfast
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
