please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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