I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
