we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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