12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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