Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Randomize
