well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
