I want to have your abortion
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im six kinds of drunk right now
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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