no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You're like the curious george of whores
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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