my mouth tastes like poor choices
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
