Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
