Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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