respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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