sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize