so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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