Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
