It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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