Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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