you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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