I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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