i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
