It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
