What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
