so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
