well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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