she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
