i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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