so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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