She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
