who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
