my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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