I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
