So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
